In my undergraduate days, among the
prizes won at departmental dinners was the award for Take Home to Mama (hereinafter referred to as THtM). The recipient,
in my observation, would be a lady who could best be described as quiet and
worst as naïve (sometimes bordering on witless). She’s the sort of lady who
would turn the other cheek when you slap one. She’s almost completely lacking
in innovation. She finds it difficult to say no and stand up for herself. She
seldom, if ever, takes the initiative, content to follow and let others lead.
She gives no excitement to romantic adventure, feeling more boring like dead
wood than agile like living matter. Whether it is her domestic, professional,
or social life, she’s just dulling.
The finest traits of this breed of
women come to the fore on the domestic front because the home is their natural
habitat. THtM is the sort of girl you wanna marry in the future but not date in
the present. She’s the quintessential housewife. She’s the genuine article when
home management is involved. She’ll make sure your food is ready when she knows
you’ll soon be back from work as a husband. She wins the heart of your mum very
fast because her culinary prowess is spectacular. THtM is the child who goes
with mummy to the market and knows the prices of all food items. She does not
mind mopping the floor and furniture everyday, working herself away like a
slave. As her husband, you don’t really need to give her so much money. All she
really needs is constant pampering—and bullying. She’ll do your bidding without
argument like someone under hypnotic duress.
Moving to THtM’s workplace (for the
more enlightened who refuse to remain housewives), you find the same pattern of
efficiency at just the same thing and not much else. She knows her job
description and specializes in just what it entails, and no more. She was that
way at school, doing well academically because she knows just what the teacher
says ought to be done and does it obediently. THtM does not mind working with
the same company and even in the same office, for decades, and being given
promotion (which sometimes scares her too) according to the timeline. She’s not
the type of person to set new targets because she’s not competitive, but she
has a way to try to meet a target you set her, and if she fails, you’ll be
afraid to hurt her with your rebuke because her fragility makes her seem so
soft and so sweet. THtM is the typical personal assistant, receptionist,
secretary…anything that has to do with office management and cleaning up the
mess to keep things in equilibrium. She won’t engage in office politics because
she doesn’t have excess energy for anything outside the necessary. No lofty
ambitions, no scramble for position, no lobbying for office or extra benefits,
but thrust leadership upon her and she surprises you with efficiency. For her,
slow and steady wins the race.
Furthermore, the social life of THtM
is as quiet as still waters. Definitely not the partying sort, she would
typically help in organizing the party in terms of culinary and sanitary
requirements, preferring working behind the scenes. Making her emcee is looking
for trouble because that’s not her forte, but she can serve refreshment and
tidy things up after the party. THtM doesn’t exactly enjoy going out on
dates—until she’s actually gone and loved it—because she does everything to
prevent being seen so frequently in public places. She dreads the public eye,
besides which her strong preference is for indoors rather than outdoors
activities. Women generally pretend, but this one is the queen bee: she may
have a crush on you for years and never show it; you only get to guess but the
signs are always too subtle to tell for sure. If she does hate you, you may
never really get to know, either, except for that smile that’s just missing
whenever you’re around. Otherwise, she still does everything else for you as
usual. Only her family and friends (who are a precious few lot lucky to break
through) know the funny, naughty, humorous sides of her. Of course, she would
rather sue for peace and avoid confrontation when she senses that a clash of
ideas is imminent. You might as well forget about romance as her boyfriend,
unless you initiate it and she doesn’t resist it stylishly. That’s the only way
to know she wanted it. She may not even show she’s deriving pleasure until it
becomes unbearable and she blurts out the soundtrack. Her social life is
wrapped up in her home, office, church and best friend.
So you see, when next you see someone
and imagine her as your homely and comely Take
Home to Mama, be sure that you’re self-excited and self-motivated before
you seek a relationship of any sort with her. The best thing about her, which
we must not forget to mention, is that THtM is faithful, patient, tender and
kind to a fault. She’ll go out of her way just to make you happy, and she can
tolerate most of your idiosyncrasies without snapping. If, however, she’s
finally pushed to the wall, then you’ll discover the truth behind the popular
saying that, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’, because she will not
change her mind once it’s finally made up—she took a long time to get to that
point in the first place. Handle her with care.
